it's not a silly little moment. it's not the storm before the calm. this is the deep and dying breath of this love that we've been working on.

As little girls we learn at a young age exactly what our role in life is to be. We are given dolls, dress up clothes, makeup, and those little kitchens complete with every little accessory we could imagine. So we dress up in our clothes, we put our makeup on, grab our babies and then continue to slave away to prepare the perfect meal for our “family”. We watch movies that tell us we need a man to come save us from our distress and that the only real happy ending in life is the one where we ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. Instilled in us, is this idea that woman aren’t strong, smart, successful and clearly can’t stick up for themselves. EVEN WORSE we are then given this illusion that all men are built to be strong, handsome, capable and willing and ready to love us unconditionally and take care of us for the rest of your life. Meaning that we don’t ever have to worry if we get ourselves into a predicament, say… be dumb enough to take an apple from a 90 year old lady who is clearly a coke head and hasn’t showered or waxed her eyebrows in oh… I don’t know…6 years. Because why would we be weary of that?  I mean, everyone in this world is kind and harmless. But really that doesn’t even matter. Why not take the bite from the apple? Because just around the corner will come my prince charming riding on his horse ready to save me from all my troubles and protect my heart for eternity. That is how life goes right? Wrong.

Let’s go ahead and fast forward 20 years and get the real idea of what our “modern day prince” looks like. I find when talking with my girlfriends we don’t have this list of things we will have in a partner. No. We have a list of things we are willing to settle for because the reality of the situation is… that it is a far less disappointing road to go down. Because trust me. If I busted out a list of qualities I wanted in a mate… I would get about 2.5 deep and already begin to envision myself living in the back of my parents house begging them to let me get another cat. You know, because 8 just isn’t enough.

Okay let’s get back to what our prince looks like on paper. I got a little distracted. Here we go.

Prince Charming According To My 16 Year Old Self:

• Tall – No less than 6’0. All princes are tall, right?
• Handsome of course… the kind of handsome that makes you just a little bit nervous
• Blue eyes and blonde hair. Really great blonde hair
• A doctor. The one that spends his days healing children with cancer
• Smart and funny and extremely successful – We will be taking vacations to somewhere tropical at least once a week
• Always willing to go the extra mile and do whatever I need when I need it
• Honesty and integrity – Obviously nobody likes a liar
• Someone who thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the whole world and couldn’t imagine taking his eyes off of me for a second to even notice other women around
• Preferably Keanu Reeves - Please don’t judge me… I am only 16 remember. Oh and homeschooled.

Prince Charming According To Me Now:

• Tall. Taller than me. But really I’ll take what I can get.
• Handsome of course… the kind of handsome that makes you just a little bit nervous. Decent Looking – Just enough that I’m not embarrassed to hold his hand in public. You see,   Men who are too handsome are the ones who think they are God’s gift to the earth and probably take longer to get ready than I do.
• Blue eyes and blonde hair. Really great blonde hair. Any color as long as he has more hair on his head than not.
• A doctor. The one that spends his days healing children with cancer. He just needs to be employed. Even if that means he folds shirts at Kohl’s.
• Smart and funny and extremely successful – We will be taking vacations to somewhere tropical at least once a week. Smart isn’t really a deal breaker… as long as he can read. Funny…well I can be funny enough for the both of us. Successful…Hmm I doubt that Kohl’s is going to offer any some 401K package. Therefore our vacations will consist of setting up a tent in the backyard.
• Always willing to go the extra mile and do whatever I need when I need it. I’ll settle for nagging him until he does what I need, meanwhile cursing my name under his breath. As long as it get’s done, right?
• Honesty and integrity – Obviously nobody likes a liar. – I am thoroughly convinced that somehow men get this idea that being honest and integrous is some sort of an option. An option they NEVER CHOOSE. So I’ll go ahead and just ask that they not be a murderer.  
• Someone who thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the whole world and couldn’t imagine taking his eyes off of me for a second to even notice other women around. As long as he thinks I’m pretty and can wait until I leave the room to check out other women.
• Preferably Keanu Reeves - Please don’t judge me… I am only 16 remember. Even Keanu Reeves seems like a prince charming in comparison to what is out there.

Am I the only person who, after reading that, has officially lost any sort of hope they had left? If not, please meet me anywhere that can serve a strong drink. We can check out the local ads for kittens who need homes. 

Here is the thing. I learned a long time ago that relationships aren’t about a man swooping in to save me. I realized how independent I was and that the reality is… I didn’t want a man to come in and think he needed to take care of me. All I had wanted was for him to look at me the same way my dad looks at my mom. With pride that he can call her his wife and with complete happiness and content that they have spent over 30 years together loving each other unconditionally. I’m sure my dad wasn’t always perfect – okay, I know he wasn’t…sorry dad :) But if my parents have taught me anything… it is that relationships take work. There are ups and there are downs. Life isn’t always going to be easy, and in those times of trial it is how you and your partner work together to take care of the other person. It is choosing to make the right decision even when the wrong one is more appealing. It is dying to yourself in order to put your partner first – with the hope that your partner is doing the same. My mom talks about the chemistry between her and my dad from the moment they met (and if you know them now, they still have that incredible spark) She said she knew that they would have a long and rich life together because no matter what, things just worked. She said that they have a passion for each other and for life. That passion sometimes translates into something happy and joyous… and sometimes they can be passionately mad at each other! But the bottom line is… they both were willing to work hard to make the other person happy and to protect each other’s hearts and emotions. They have remained faithful to each other, consistent with the love they pour out and at the end of the day come home and know just how happy they both are. And now they get to look back at these last 30 years and know that all of their hard work and devotion to each other turned into a lifetime of love and memories.

My mom is in no way a damsel in distress. She didn’t need saving and she certainly had no illusions that there was some sort of prince charming out there who was perfect and was going to make her life complete. But she met my dad and he might not have been this perfect person that she had envisioned as a little girl. But I believe that my dad, from the moment he met my mom, worked hard to be the best “prince” he could be. And I think it was more than my mom could have ever asked for.

 I want to believe that there is this person out there who I am supposed to marry (whoever he might be) that is willing and capable of putting in the work that it takes to make a relationship thrive. That he wants to spend his days loving me with his whole heart and allowing for me to love him the same. He will be patient and kind and we will both allow for ourselves to have bad days and be human. We will understand that life isn’t neat. It can’t be wrapped up in a box with a pretty little bow on it. But it won’t matter because we have each other. And whether life is easy or hard… there will always be a consistency, and that is a love and passion for each other that can weather through anything.

So the man of my dreams may not be a product of either one of those lists. But I trust that God has it worked out and that he will eventually bring Keanu my way…. haha Just kidding :) but really as cliché and LAME as I am going to sound…I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs in your life to really know when that frog (the one you had hoped would turn into a prince) might just be the man (or frog for that matter) of your dreams. 

Comments

[Shane Hubbard]

Really enjoyed the way you wrote this, Katy. Especially the clever way of making the lists. Easy to read, funny, and provokes thought. Thanks for sharing :)

[Megan]

You are hilarious! This made me laugh so hard! Don't lower your standards. You are hot and smart and funny. That combination does not come around that often. Eventually the men of our generation will get the clue that we are awesome, and they will start acting like men :)